Challenging Parent Communications
By Michelle Immekus
We all have had to do it before. Call a parent for the second, third, or even fourth time to let them know their child was scratched, bit or injured by another child. If you are anything like me, your heart drops into the pit of your stomach and hands begin to shake. I would run the conversation through my head a million times, rehearsing exactly what I would say.
“Hello, Mrs. B, this is Michelle calling. Emma is fine, but I needed to let you know she was bitten on the arm today.”
What usually followed was a very upset parent. The words they used to show they were upset varied, but the message was the same.
While I would try to remedy the situation by promising to keep a close eye on the child who was bitten or assure the parent that this wouldn't happen again, the reality is I could not deliver on these promises. Challenging behaviors pose difficult hurdles for children, parents and teachers alike.
As a mom, I have had my share of phone calls regarding injuries to my 4-year-old. Some were self-induced injuries, while others were a result of another child in the class.
Getting those phone calls were unnerving. We often wondered what we could do to help
the situation, as our son seemed to be suffering due to another child's lack of skills.
Should we switch schools? Should we ask them to expel the other
child? The answer to this one, while the emotions made it feel complex, really became
simple.
We (the teachers in collaboration with my family) needed to teach my son how to stand up for himself, and use his own words to communicate. The result was not perfect, but it was powerful.
Now, he can tell someone what he is thinking.
"I don't like it when you push me. Next time ask me for a turn."
So, as early childhood practitioners or center directors, how can we make these challenging phone calls to parents, and effectively deliver the message that this won’t happen again? The answer is to focus on the skills. Explain to parents that while their child may have been bit, hit or kicked, you are going to focus on teaching this child new communication skills that will let others know what they are thinking and what they need.
While focusing on the skills may not completely take away a parent’s anger or frustration, shedding light on the child's successes as they learn these new skills will definitely ease the situation.
